Blah

After having such a seemingly good day yesterday, today I find that my heart is so locked up that I can't even find it. I just feel a funk around it. I'm so glad prayer is tonight. :-)

I want to break free of being begrudgingly single and be satisfied that my Maker is my husband. I know that He knows I have this desire. I know that if I have this desire he will grant it to me if my ways are aligned with His ways. It's just so hard some days, especially today. I have no appetite because I feel undesirable, but still eat because I'm depressed(that's what girls do). I'm trying not to hate how I look or who I am because that's the only logical thing I can come up with as to why I have never been in love or even been kissed for that matter. God's timing is so illogical. It's why he stresses faith. I have to believe that he has my best in mind. I sometimes reflect on Hannah and how long she waited to become pregnant. I know she had days like this. God's timing is perfect but my faith is weak.

I have to believe
That He sees my darkness
I have to believe
He knows my pain
I have to lift up
My hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare
That He is my refuge
I have to deny
That I am alone
I have to lift up
My eyes to the mountain
It's where my help comes from

Oh yeah
He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall
When the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong
When I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold
Ahold of the garments
The garments of praise

I know, I know, I know
Cause He said that He's forever faithful
And He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to sing praise
When the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains
That bind up my soul
My sin and my shame
He has forgiven and made me whole

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/rita_springer/#share