Love Lessons

God has a very interesting way of showing me His heart. '

These lessons are difficult but unforgettable.

I know as a human I can't possibly understand His love but he reveals it to me in layers.

I won't tell you all the details of each lesson but here are some things I have come to know personally about Him.

His love is relentless.
His love is unconditional.
Even when our eyes aren't on Him, we are still at the center of His heart.

His love for us never changes.
He made us for Him.
His simplest desire is for us to love Him in return.

When he rebukes the church at Ephesus saying,"You have lost your first love", He is trying to tell them that they are missing the whole point. God is love. Real love. The only true love that exists. He gave his ONLY son to show us how much he loves us. So often we leave our lover out in the cold. He painted the picture of Hosea and Gomer to show us how much he loves us yet we still miss the point. We still leave Him longing. Or worse, we don't give Him any of us.

Honesty

Well today my aim is to seek after God. I'm tired of my life not yielding fruit because I seek the things I want so much. I'm pretty much through with those things. They just destroy me. I want to be devoted to Him in all my ways.

I'm afraid I might lose some friends but I know God will watch over me.

I know that many people's world really revolves around their love life. That no longer controls me. You should try it.

Before you lie to me, remember that I'm good friends with almost everyone.

I am not stupid. I try to understand people on a deep level. So I know when something's off. If I ask you just be honest with me about it.  Or at least say it's none of your business. Ignoring me just makes me lose respect for you.

I am probably one of the most devoted friends you will ever have. I care so much about people probably due to the fact that I felt left out because I'm not beautiful or skinny.  So, I try to make everyone feel as awesome and important as I want to feel. With all that said, if you treat me like I don't matter, it becomes very hard for me to be friends with you.

People are so quick to judge others but blind to their own selves. Makes me want to vomit. You have it set in your head that someone is in the wrong but it's really you. Actually, it is a little of both.

We have to learn to be faithful in the small things. How can we expect to be any use in the Kingdom if we don't?

Let's peel the world off of us and put on Christ. It's the only way we can live in unity.

Desperate Times

Late post.

I overslept this morning...

I silenced my phone alarm at 5:55, it goes off every 10 minutes so I usually get up at 6:15 or 6:25. I'm one of those people who need a snooze button. Well this morning was weird. After silencing my alarm, I fall asleep again to a strange dream about the Levy breaking again and protecting my family's stuff. Very strange. I then awake to find that it is 6:57(I have to be at work at 7), and I have no idea where my phone even is. Well I wake Emily up(she's not happy), and have her call it.  It was laying on the floor on the opposite end of the bed on silent. I know it was not on silent at 5:55. My subconscious really wanted to sleep today.

I've also been really convicted this morning. I am so easy to say malicious things about people when I don't really know the whole story. I feel awful about it. I feel like there's so much tension around me and I release it on the wrong people. I hate to speak badly about my friends. I'm going to do some repenting today.

Blah

After having such a seemingly good day yesterday, today I find that my heart is so locked up that I can't even find it. I just feel a funk around it. I'm so glad prayer is tonight. :-)

I want to break free of being begrudgingly single and be satisfied that my Maker is my husband. I know that He knows I have this desire. I know that if I have this desire he will grant it to me if my ways are aligned with His ways. It's just so hard some days, especially today. I have no appetite because I feel undesirable, but still eat because I'm depressed(that's what girls do). I'm trying not to hate how I look or who I am because that's the only logical thing I can come up with as to why I have never been in love or even been kissed for that matter. God's timing is so illogical. It's why he stresses faith. I have to believe that he has my best in mind. I sometimes reflect on Hannah and how long she waited to become pregnant. I know she had days like this. God's timing is perfect but my faith is weak.

I have to believe
That He sees my darkness
I have to believe
He knows my pain
I have to lift up
My hands to worship
Worship His name

I have to declare
That He is my refuge
I have to deny
That I am alone
I have to lift up
My eyes to the mountain
It's where my help comes from

Oh yeah
He said that He's forever faithful
He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

Oh, I have to stand tall
When the wind blows me over
I have to stand strong
When I'm weak and afraid
I have to grab hold
Ahold of the garments
The garments of praise

I know, I know, I know
Cause He said that He's forever faithful
And He said that He's forever true
He said that He can move mountains
If He can move mountains
He can move my mountain
He can move your mountain, too

I have to sing praise
When the hour is midnight
He unlocks these chains
That bind up my soul
My sin and my shame
He has forgiven and made me whole

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/r/rita_springer/#share

Grace

Yesterday was pretty good. Went to work, watched Finding Nemo, ate at Buffalo Wild Wings with some friends, got a whole meal for $2.70. Katie is the best server.

I just have a small story to tell. I was talking to one of my friends about singleness, and he proceeded to say that basically, if you desire marriage then it will happen and if you don't then it won't. We conversed for a bit about how I was searching for purpose in the fact that I have always been single, because I've wanted to be in love as long as I can remember. I said that I felt like my life has been that Christmas that everyone gives you socks. I really want to find him, the one I will spend my life with, but it seems hopeless somedays. My friend said, "Except you should start looking in the socks cause God has hidden a pair of diamond earrings in them!"

I cried.

End of story.

Have a wonderful day.

Hello Monday

Well, due to a very frustrating dream, I was awake at 4:30 this morning. So I prayed at my house and then I went to Cliff Haven and prayed and now I'm at my desk at Central Textil. 

I prayed about my frustration from that dream and I feel that God has released me from it, so I hope that it doesn't come back to haunt me. I have been feeling darkness around me lately. I am so prone to a bad mood that I can hardly live with my own negativity. I have been feeling something trying to divide our youth group.  I had to come against it this morning so that's why I went to the church.  I know that God is moving and demons hate it.

I was reflecting this morning on the fact that everyone on our praise team(well pretty much all of our youth group) is single. This is a marvel to me. Why have I not really thought about it before? One of the greatest missionaries of all time, Paul, was single his whole life. I'm really excited to see what God is going to bring out of this. It's amazing.

My prayer for today is that You would let us be satisfied in You and not chasing after someone but seeking your face.

Hello Friday.

Welcome to my blog.  I'm in an expressive mood here lately and I thought this would be a good way to help me do it.  I also thought this would be a good way to help me practice my non-existent typing skills...

ANYWAY...
I've written a new song and a couple of snippets of songs and I hope to get them on my fan page if I can get a decent recording on my computer's microphone.  We'll see.

I love it when you can feel raw passion in music.  It doesn't matter what genre. Real music is from the heart. I can worship to heavy metal, southern gospel, even instrumental. What makes the difference for me is passion. Passion speaks.

I can't stand when people are shady. My only pet peeve. the end.

I love Jesus Christ, my only hope.

He loves me.

That is all for now.